Empty Bags?

Posted: May 31, 2013 in Family, Humour
Tags: , , , , , , ,

luggage

We love to travel. My wife and kids and I try as often as possible to leave this little world behind, off the wherever the wind takes us, all to experience sometimes new things, or sometimes old things. We’ve been blessed to be able to do this. Even an overnight trip to Sudbury can be an adventure if you’re in the right frame of mind.

Of course, in travelling, one of the ugly necessities is packing. And naturally, the longer the journey, the more you have to pack. We’ve learned over the years to be more strategic in our luggage needs. I, on one hand, having been brought up by Gypsies (comparatively speaking of course), have learned early on to travel as light as possible, lest you caught in a swordfight, hurricane, or other like-minded activity. Anne, and the other hand, grew up with land-lubbers, so, when travelling, steamer trunks were necessary, just in case news came that your home, nay, entire town, was wiped out in a flood, or sudden infestation of vampires, and it was a good thing you had all your valuables with you.

Over the years, together, we’ve managed to close the gap somewhat on this seemingly gargantuan chasm. Gone are the steamer trunks, the bars of gold, the old pictures of family and friends. Thankfully, the advent of technology has rendered much of this obsolete, electronically transferred into light-weight ones and zeroes, allowing us to carry everything on our iPhones. This alone has saved my poor back. And, to her credit, Anne has really learnt to pack efficiently. She can pack a suitcase that, when opened, renders you speechless. When you take everything out, you look for the magician’s secret panel, or perhaps hidden vortex or dimension, to try to make sense of just how she got so much stuff into so little a space. It is truly a gift. She could hire out her services, so talented she is.

Unfortunately, this talent hasn’t quite made the leap into UN-packing. No. While she’s a whirlwind of activity when loading the luggage, strangely, moss can grow on our suitcases upon return. It’s a mental block of some sort, I think. Anne unpacks in stages. In fact, often times, she can take two trips on one packing if they are within two months of each other.

We have a suitcase we call ‘R2-D2’ because it has a hard shell, and rolls quite well. It holds a lot of stuff if you pack it efficiently. Old R2 has pretty much become a part of our family, as it has yet to become completely unpacked. R2 just IS. He’s rolled from here to there, slowly being emptied when the need arises. Before he’s empty, he gets re-filled for the next journey. As I write this, I can see R2-D2 peeking from his perch beside the couch, half-full with the flotsam and jetsam of Anne’s last conference. Archaeologists would have a field-day looking through him. They could pretty much pinpoint when and where we have been in the last two years. ‘Hmmmmm….here’s a wrapper with an expiry date on it….looks like you were in Toronto at the Royal York in November….I’d say, somewhere around the 3rd or 4th……’ It’s uncanny!!

When I get home, I obsess about putting things away, getting the suitcases back in their ‘docks’, and pretty much run around like a chicken with its head cut off. Then, and only then, can I rest. Anne moseys around, much like someone from Jamaica saying `Easy, Mon!`. This might explain why I`m frazzled after a trip, and Anne always looks rested and composed. She might be on to something.

Statistically speaking, 12 out of 10 people enjoy Anne`s method to mine. I find this perplexing. I mean, leaving a suitcase….not unpacked? It’s madness, MADNESS I say!! How can this world, let alone our universe, function properly, when one of the fundamental laws of physics* is being flaunted willy-nilly as if it matters not?

*this law, called ‘Flannigan’s Law’, discovered by Dr. Johnny Flannigan, states that the nature of luggage, extrapolated over time, multiplied by the square of clothing and items left over time in them, can literally lead to another big bang. I wish I was making this up. It’s out there for all to read. Just don’t try to find it, because ‘the Man’ has hidden all the copies.*

So, now you know why, when you come to my place, old R2-D2 not only APPEARS to be at the ready, he pretty much is. In fact, I’m going to go to it right now and get my fudge from Jasper out and see if it’s still edible….

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Comments
  1. yourothermotherhere says:

    The whole post is funny, but that second paragraph – hilarious!

  2. I laughed so hard reading this post!
    And those suitcases in the photo have an uncanny resemblance to R2-D2… The second I saw it, I thought, that’s R2-D2!

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