The Shed (^&*^%*^!!)

Posted: August 10, 2013 in Family, Humour
Tags: , , , , , , ,


In life, we often encounter obstacles that may at times seem insurmountable. It could be a sickness, something financial, an accident, or one of so many things I could think of that might either stop you in your tracks, or at the very least take the wind out of your sails. Character can help you climb over these obstacles. Family support, friends, neighbours, and even the odd stranger can be all it takes to nudge you forward. As my wife says, never, NEVER, give up.

I had a minor obstacle last weekend….at least, it looked minor. Throw in a kidney stone, weather so beautiful as to lead to distraction, a gorgeous lake, and some really odd carpentry, and this obstacle went from a speed bump to a cuss-fest. But thanks to character and all that jazz, I won.

Well, sort of.

It all started innocently enough. We were starting to open our camp, and I went into the shed to get some stuff out. As I stepped in, I stepped through the floor. Hmmm,,, this wasn’t a good sign. Upon further inspection, it was clear that the entire floor was rotted out. Being as this was one of those metal sheds where you hit your head going in, then hit it again going out, this rotten floor was telling me it was time for a new shed.

To get to the point where I could empty the shed and take it down, a number of things had to happen: the fire pit had to be built, because it was piled where the wood pile would need to be moved, which was piled against the shed, which contained other items that needed to be placed should it rain. It became an exercise in logistics. But it got done. I was finally at the point where the shed could come down.

This is where things got a little tough. Sure, it was only an aluminum shed, but the floor, although rotten, had been built to stay there until at least 2055. There were more screws in this thing than a whorehouse. And whoever built this thing used 4 different kinds of screws…some which steadfastly refused to come out. Also, some of the screws were screwed from underneath, which added a whole degree of difficulty.

It was at this point that I was thankful to be alone. Had my kids been there, they would have heard my whole repertoire of swear words, complete with full sentences replete with adjectives, nouns, and verbs that symbolized my disdain for the whole thing. Tools flew, birds flew away, and the local rabbit population scurried away, probably to use the occasion to get busy and make some more little rabbits.

At one point, I swear I heard the theme song from the Clint Eastwood spaghetti-westerns. This shed was going to fight tooth and nail, or rather screw and nail. It did not want to come down. I would scream and shout when I would succeed taking out a particularly nasty screw, only to be faced with 5 more that would defy me. I fully intended to take this thing apart in as civilized a way as possible. This, of course, did not happen.

I suppose I should tip my hat to this old shed, which had stood bravely in the winds off Lake Nipissing all these years, mostly keeping my stuff dry and safe, not asking for much… the odd cleaning, rake around it, a little lock for its door. But, after fighting for 5 hours with it, I’ll be damned if I give it kudos. It finally came down, piece by stupid piece, thrown into the back of my truck, smugly laying there as if to say ‘There you go, you dork….how did that feel?’

Well, you know what? It felt really good when, at the dump, it joined all the other scrap metal and scrap wood. ‘Haha!’ I thought….I won!!

Of course, when the metal gets recycled, it probably will become someone’s bicycle and fly them into a fence just for spite. Better them than me!

  1. daisies4gail says:

    Years ago, we did away with our old tin shed as well. We replaced it, with ….another just like it. Not at all bright. Loved reading this one…it gave us both plenty of laughs. Your new shed…is gorgeous.

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