What are you eating under there?

Posted: August 6, 2015 in Humour
Tags: ,

undies   Gitch. Tighty-whities. Undies. Briefs. Boxers. Skivvies. Nut huts. No matter what you choose to call them, they are underwear. \as a guy, I won’t comment on how important these pieces of clothing are to women. But to men, they are an essential appendage to our every-day living. Oh, sure, there are mavericks out there who do not wear any, who like to go commando, but I am not one of those kinds of guys. No, I believe that one should always have a filter on the rear and a place for the boys to be contained.

And so, having said all that, you just know that something happened to my underwear. I mean, you can’t just open up with something along those lines and then talk about flowers or wrestling or the political situation in Peru. There has to be a reason!!

And there is.

I work in refrigeration. And this summer my helper is my son Mackie. We work in all kinds of conditions and in all kinds of temperatures. We climb ladders, work on rooftops, go into crawlspaces and confined areas. You have to be stretchy. You need to contort. You need to carry heavy objects and be spry. For these reasons, I like to wear Boxer briefs. I find that with these, there is room to move, while still having adequate support and containment.

Also, being a guy, I don’t like throwing away well-used underwear. We become attached to them. I am sure there are women out there who would agree that they have a hard time getting their significant other to part with their well-loved often cherished skivvies. Men will literally wear their underwear until there is only the waistband left.

And so, this brings us to the crux of the matter at hand. Donning one of my favorite pairs of boxers, I set off to work with Mackie, a day that saw a little bit of everything work-wise. We climbed. We crawled. We welded. We carried. And all day, something just wasn’t quite right. I felt that the ‘boys’ were being a little more free than usual. And yet, being so busy, I didn’t have the time to check out why. I went with the flow, all the while feeling that I was flipping and flopping hither and yon.

When we finally got home, I decided it was high time for a shower. So off comes the pants, off comes the work shirt, a towel across my shoulders, and I walked through the house to go for my shower wearing only my boxers. And judging from the shocked looks on my kid’s faces, not to mention my wife’s, that something was amiss. Even my dogs were scampering away.

At some point, between when the laundry was done and now, it would appear that my favorite undies lost their crotch. And not just a little….the entire area. I was wearing two legs and a waistband. The boys were out of the nut hut.

I can only say sorry to my kids. Well, to my dogs too. Anne is used to my shocking behavior. I guess I am going to have to go shopping.

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