The Bermuda Triangle of Spoons and Nailclippers

Posted: March 10, 2014 in Family, Humour

spoonsThere are mysteries around us that are both marvelous and astounding. We are surrounded by wonderful things that we can and cannot see. Those we can see, say, for instance, the beauty of a newborn baby, truly exemplify the miracle of life. Some that we can’t see, for instance, the atom…. while small, are the building blocks of life, and keep us together….in more ways than one.

One of the biggest mysteries in physics at the moment is ‘Dark Matter’. Dark Matter, in a nutshell, is something we cannot see, is enormously difficult to measure, and is difficult to prove. It turns out that Dark Matter makes up 99% of the known mass of the universe. So Dark Matter is no laughing matter. Yet, we as puny humans are bent on trying to prove its relationship to the matter we can see so that scientists can justify our existence.

Well, I say, let THEM figure it out! We have more pressing mysteries to solve ourselves. As ‘regular’ folk, we are surrounded by more mundane, practical problems that require solutions sooner, not later. The Caramilk Secret was one which confounded us for decades. Yet, through ingenuity and today’s technology, this is no longer a secret. Finding out where all the missing socks from the dryer go is another example of mysteries that we, as non-scientists, have to deal with.

Personally, I have two conundrums for which I have yet to find the solution. It’s my own personal Bermuda Triangle. These mysteries have haunted me since 1992, which, you may find ironic, happens to be the year I was married. Is it  coincidence perhaps? I’ll let you decide.

My first dilemma: where are all my nail clippers disappearing to? I have literally bought over 100 of these in the last twenty years. And, it’s not like I’m misplacing them. I always put them in the same place. And yet, before long, they wind up gone. Now, if it was someone else putting them down somewhere else, then by now we’d be tripping over them everywhere. But, sadly, this is not the case. One Christmas, I bought 14 of them for Anne…not one, not two, but FOURTEEN of them as a gag gift….and by July, I was at the drug store buying more. It’s confounding!

My other mystery involves spoons. Since having children, we have gone through more spoons than I’d ever have thought possible. Good spoons, cheap spoons, large spoons, small spoons, you name the spoon, we’ve lost it. At first, we thought we had found out what was happening. Alex, while still very young, got into the habit of burying our spoons in the back yard. I found this out, tragically, while passing the lawn mower. So, he WAS responsible for some of our spoon-loss, but, since then, the spoons are still disappearing.

Naturally, I have some theories. The most likely one is that we have House Gnomes. These notoriously tricky creatures have long plagued humankind with their wily sense of humour. Of course, taking into consideration what they’ve been stealing from us, they must be incredibly well manicured House Elves with a penchant for eating pudding cups and not returning the spoons. I’m almost afraid to look in the attic. If I did, I’m sure I’d find a bunch of empty pudding containers and mounds of nail clipping.

Less likely, but still possible, would be that there’s a parallel universe parked adjacent to our house. This scenario is actually more palatable to me because it doesn’t involve House Gnomes, thus foregoing the need for exterminators or having Harry Potter come in to cast a spell. A parallel universe would also allow the possibility for retrieving my lost items. After all, if items can leave this plane of existence, they must be able to return.

Of course, now I’ve also noticed our soup bowl population dwindling of late. I’ll now have to monitor my soup, chips and cereal stockpile. It’s really getting to be too much. I’m now leaning a bit back towards the Gnome theory. Perhaps they’ll develop a penchant for garbage or old underwear, because I have lots of that stuff. There’s always hope!

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