The Shower

Posted: September 7, 2013 in Family, Humour
Tags: , , , , , , ,

shower

A while back, after we had renovated our main bathroom upstairs, I felt it was time to replace the shower head. For years we had gotten by on the same old hum-drum shower head. It was getting to be boring: jump into the shower, and scrub away in a most banal way, day in, day out, never changing. I was at the point that I was taking a bath more often than a shower. That’s when you know you’re in a rut.

We just couldn’t have this. Since the bathroom was all nice and sparkly and painted, the piece de resistance had to be a GREAT shower head. I wanted it more for Anne, you understand. She deserved the best, I was thinking. And so I got her the very latest in technology when it comes to these things… what follows is a timeline of events from the first (and last) time I used this abomination.

Sunday, May 3, 7:33 a.m.: Well, I had a pretty awesome sleep. I dreamt I was Superman again and I saved a bunch of kids from drowning. Nice! Well, I guess it’s time to try out the new ‘Exfoliator 2000; that I installed yesterday! I can’t wait (I will let Anne sleep….I want to be the first one to try it!!)

7:40 a.m.: I’m down my morning ritual…thank God for Fibre One!! Time to turn on the shower. I think I’ll call the new shower head ‘Leroy’ after my dog. It just feels right! The hot water is now running….let’s try this setting labelled ‘RLX’, which I assume is for ‘relax’. Here goes!

7:45 a.m.: Yup, I’m relaxed for sure! It’s nice and steady, but kind of boring. I’m going to try ‘PLS8’, which I assume means ‘pulsate’. Let’s go again.

7:51 a.m.: WHOA!! Nice! It alternates between a soft and medium pulsating stream, and feels quite lovely! I could get used to this! I’m loving this new style of shower. Why did I ever wait so long for this? What’s next….let’s see….how about ‘STN’?

7:55 a.m.: OUCH! Apparently this means ‘STUN’! It took me 4 minutes from the time the stream hit me to get back on my feet and fight my way back to the shower head to change settings. I’m pretty sure I lost three pounds of hair from my back alone! When the stream hit ‘south of the border’ I was finally able to hit that high ‘C’ that I’ve been wanting to hit for years. So it’s kind of a win, although my skin is a little (a lot) raw….I’m going back to ‘RLX’!

7:59 a.m.: Okay, things are almost back to normal. All the hair has made it down the drain, and thankfully I was able to place the tiles back that fell out from ‘STN’, although I will have to re-grout. There is another setting that says ‘NCE’, which must mean ‘NICE’…. let’s give this one a try….

Wednesday, May 7, 8:22 p.m.: Just woke up from my coma. ‘NCE’ definitely did not mean ‘NICE’, more like ‘Need to Call Emergency’. I’m told the scars are healing nicely, and our insurance will cover not only the hole in my wall, but the neighbour’s fence and deck as well.

It looks like we’re going back to the old shower head, and I am going to be taking sponge baths for a while. Live and learn!

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Comments
  1. I’ve had unfortunate accidents with showers as well! It doesen’t help that our shower head is designed to pierce the skin rather than to wash it, if the volume is increased beyond a certain point.
    Get well soon!

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