wealthy

That’s it, folks. I’m all done here. No more working for me, no more shovelling, no more looking at the snow and grunting and swearing, No more writing columns, no more getting up before 10 a.m., and no more doing the dishes. That’s right: I’m about to be independently wealthy.

It’s actually a good thing that I still have a fax machine at work, or else this sudden wealth may not have presented itself. This is a chance of a lifetime. As a business person, you sometimes are given opportunities out of the blue that you have to act on in order to benefit fully. I have been the recipient of such a gift, and believe me I am on it like a fat kid on a Smartie.

It all started when one ‘Michael J. Simpson’, a private consultant for some very important persons in the Asian and South African region, found me, of all people, and wants me to work with him and the $70 million that he has in trust with some mystery VIP’s. It is by all appearances a legitimate, and highly lucrative, business venture that requires anonymity on their part. And so that’s where Michael and I come in. No, let’s call him ‘Mike’. We’re about to get cash cozy, after all. And all I have to do is manage these funds for them, and reap great rewards!! (I won’t mention my amount….I don’t want to brag).

So, Mike and I will be kicking it together, chilling and drinking a few brews while I deposit all this money at the bank, then just turn around and pay out somewhat less than this amount into this business venture they have in their sights. I can’t say what it is, because, to be honest, they haven’t really told me this yet. But it must be something truly amazing given the amount of money they have ready to put into this venture.

I am already looking back fondly on my memories here with you, the reader. We’ve talked about jocks, Zumba, bad spelling, and velour pants. I have shared with you intimate details of my first physical, and my first colonoscopy. With stuff like that, I can’t help but feel that you and I are more than just ‘friends’. Maybe once I get my money, I’ll throw a party and invite you all. But we’ll keep it real, people. I’m not going to be one of those ‘hoity-toity’ rich guys. No champagne and caviar….just beer and maybe little sandwiches and a cheese platter or two.

Okay. I know this isn’t real. Michael J. Simpson is quite obviously a fictitious person, as is this scam that these jerks are sending out. The real sad part is, some people actually fall for this. There are vulnerable people who are looking for something…anything….to help them out of the jam they may be in. Personally, I’d like to meet this person or group of people who are doing this and show them a thing or two.

Like the saying goes: if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. If someone is trying to shake you down, report them to the police. If you know, or think you know, of someone who is being taken advantage of, intervene! This time of year it seems is the time that these scams artists are at their best. They know which buttons to press. So, keep an eye out. Be vigilant.

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