Bill's Musings

Anyone out there who knows me…. I mean, really knows me, is aware that I’m all about equality. I support equal rights, especially when it comes to wages and opportunity for both sexes. It just makes sense. It’s 2013, people. Men and women should have the same chances and the same treatment in all endeavours.

Today, there are more women than ever in the work force, and for a variety of reasons. And truly, our workforce is more diverse now than it’s ever been..

That said, I went to shave the other day, and realized that I am being discriminated against. I opened the medicine cabinet, and amongst the approximately 383 items in the cabinet, I found two that were mine. Tucked away in the corner was an almost empty deodorant stick, and a definitely empty can of shaving cream. That’s it. That sums up all the space I am now allotted in our medicine cabinet.

The razors are actually on top of the cabinet, because there just isn’t any room inside. The shaving cream is empty because someone else used it up….someone who shaves their legs. Hmmmmm. I don’t even have room for my toothbrush. Believe it or not, my toothbrush is in the garage with the toothpaste I use, in the cabinet above the sink I installed to clean outdoor stuff.

There are items in the medicine cabinet I can’t even begin to describe. There are lotions of all kinds. There are moisturizers, age defyers, and eyelash driers. There are deodorants, odorants, even underpants. There are ten different kinds of dental floss. There are empty bottles of everything from perfume to bath oil. There are everyday household items like saucers, two forks, a spoon, and an old remote control. The only reason there is a deodorant for me is that we are three guys on the same stick, and it happened to accidentally find its way into the cabinet.

Does this, I ask, sound like equality to you? I mean, I know my wife needs room for her stuff, but seriously? There isn’t even any room for my hairbrush!

Okay, my hairbrush days are admittedly over, but you get the idea.

This medicine cabinet is fairly new. We renovated the bathroom last year, and out went the old cabinet that had been there for over twenty years. And when this happened, I drew the line. ‘That’s it!’, I said. New cabinet, new bathroom, new rules. It was time to renew our bathroom etiquette, and share our space equally. I even stocked the cabinet myself before the paint was even dry. ‘This is your half!’ I proclaimed. It was all placed nicely, alphabetically. My side looked like an open-concept living room compared to her side. I had about ten items, all new, all sparkly and shiny.

It lasted about a week. Here side stayed pretty neat for a few days, but, slowly, her items staged a coup d’état, and roughed up my side. The aforementioned saucer made its way in first. ‘It’s to hold my special soap’, she said. I let that one slide. Big mistake. The saucer was soon joined by the remote control, various utensils, a Reader’s Digest, old pictures of my cat, and the rest of her junk she’d been holding aside in secret, waiting for an opening. My side never really had a chance.

This equality stuff is only truly equal when reciprocated. I was going to join the gang at ‘Occupy West Nipissing’ to protest, but since nobody showed up, it’s become a moot point. I have spoken to other guys about this, and it seems fairly universal. We have indeed been subjugated.

And so, if you see me downtown, a bit dishevelled, a bit uncombed, you’ll know why. Feel my pain, people.